Monday, June 26, 2017

Danielle and Mohammed in the TV show "90 Day Fiancee" - what went wrong

Danielle is a clinically obese middle ager, around 43 years old.  Mother of several teen or adult kids, she has, apparently a bad cystocele - this is when the bladder, full of urine tends to leak under pressure.  You can be born with one of these - I was - but it gets worse after childbirth.  They do a surgery to fix it but it isn't really that fixable - I know this, because my mother had surgery on hers several times and it still did not fix it which is why I wear "briefs" rather than seeking surgery.  Mohammed is a 27 year old, rather good looking man who either has had an unsuccessful marriage or has not been married - we are not told which one or why.  He is Islam but obviously not really into the religion and of course, Danielle doesn't seem to be into religion either. And if I may say it, some real religious belief on the part of both, might have saved the marriage.  From what I can tell, the two of them met when Danielle was traveling - Mohammed is from Tunisia - they had a whirlwind romance and then, continued their relationship in emails, possibly phone calls and letters.  Danielle apparently misrepresented her financial status, giving Mohammed the impression she was wealthy - (and keep in mind, many from third world countries think all Americans are wealthy anyway!).  She did scrape together the amount needed to bring Mohammed to the USA but what she didn't tell him was, it was her last penny.  They quickly got married but things did not go well.  Mohammed, possibly due to lack of education and/or skills, combined with being Islam and a foreigner without a green card, at a time this is not the most popular thing to be in the USA, and the fact that he and Danielle lived in a smaller town, tried to find work but had no luck in landing a job.  In my opinion, the marriage was doomed from the onset - they didn't really get to know each other and bottom line, neither fully disclosed - what might be possible issues.  Needless to say, wedding night "funsies" didn't work out as Danielle emptied out her bladder on Mohammed.

In a loving marriage, intercourse is not the bottom line - practically speaking, it's mostly for having kids and I do believe the Lord made it fun because humans would not bother doing it, if it were not fun. But of course, if you listen to TV, fun is the bottom line of intercourse but that's TV.  Hubby and I are in a long term marriage where he became unable to indulge, due to atherosclerosis, in the 23rd year of our 51 year marriage (which by the way, none of his medical providers figured out that this was a sign of atherosclerosis and that info is easily accessible, even to lay persons on the internet) and we discovered that our practicing celibacy has not only brought us closer to God but has increased our spiritual love between each other - I can attest to the fact that, other than conceiving kids, intercourse really isn't that important in the overall scheme of things.

In the last meeting of several of these folks on this show, "90 Day Fiancee", Mohammed said things which really hurt Danielle about her difficulty with intercourse and bladder problems.  When the other folks tried to point that out to him, he got very angry with the whole crowd and walked off the stage.

I didn't notice this the first time I watched the show but when I re-watched it today, I realized that both Danielle and Mohammed have a temper, and neither of them wants to realize that there were problems on both sides - his AND hers.

And that's the bottom line, why that marriage was a train wreck.  To sum up... Danielle should have given Mohammed full disclosure about her cystocele and the problems it could cause during intercourse.  She's also likely in perimenopause and so might not be able to bear Mohammed's offspring.  Mohammed should realize that he knew her age and the fact that she might not really the one for him in marriage, if he wants to start a generation of offspring. This marriage was doomed from the beginning and both of them should have left the relationship in area of a friendship rather than a marriage.  Mohammed did use Danielle to enable him to come to the USA and she spent her last penny doing this.  But apparently, neither of them are very employable and so they had serious money problems - Mohammed somehow felt that Danielle had a lot of money and could support them both.

Full disclosure is important before all marriages and full disclosure might have saved both Danielle and Mohammed, a lot of sadness.  But a strong belief in God whether through Islam or Christianity, might have saved the marriage also and shown them the way to true love.

Here is a story about this couple in 2017

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